PART 1: WE ARE ALL FUCKED UP
I first met with Miztress Tia on a hail-and-rain-ﬁlled night at a Bedford pub in early March, 2018. I was unexpectedly running late to meet her and… she was truly gracious about this. She texted me while I was en route to simply say “No worries. Slow down so you don’t get in a collision.” While her persona comes off as harsh at times, it is clear when interacting with her, she genuinely cares about others and their safety.
When we were seated at last, we both ordered wings (I’d looked forward to them all day). She ordered two baskets. I did the same -though I’d only planned on ordering one. Maybe I followed suit as I was ﬂustered at this juncture (after all, her reputation does precede her!). Or, maybe it’s just that I tend to be more of a submissive-type in my every day. I tend to wait to see what the other person would like to do, and (if I am, or want to be, close to the person and don’t dislike the idea) do the same.
My shyness at this point in the interview is a contrast to Miztress Tia; her presence is strong. Solid. She knows what she wants and she is not afraid to go after it. Nor is she afraid to share the experiences she has when she does. And though I had questions prepared, things went off the rails relatively quickly as, true to her nature, Miztress Tia had full charge of how this interaction was going to go. Right down to questioning me about what the interview was for, exactly. I explained I wanted to interview her, a well-known figure in the Halifax community, for K&C.
“I’ve always had a dominant personality, very sarcastic. Add to that a sense of humour to ease people’s anxiety, with a twist of sadistic”, she says to me with a satisﬁed smile. “When I was sixteen, my sister bought me a T-shirt that said, ‘I don’t get mad, I get even’. It was my favourite; I rarely would show people how angry I was – they would find out later as I plotted my revenge against them for upsetting me. This approach has benefitted me greatly in the kink lifestyle; humiliation and degradation became a natural forte of mine.”
At the time we met, Tia has been pro-Domming for roughly seven years. Three years prior to that, before jumping in all the way, she spent a great deal of time learning, reading, watching, and finally practicing the skills she was interested in. She tells me about how a lot of what she does now still incorporates watching. Only, instead of watching techniques, when in her element (for work or pleasure), she spends her time watching people.
For what? Well, for hidden desires, of course. For secret wants. She will maybe drop a particular word, like “cunt”, then carefully observe (her subject) for a reaction. Does the sound of this word bring a smile, a giggle, a cringe, or maybe a grimace? She makes a mental note of the reactions – to be used at a later time.
Along with her dominant personality, she says she’s always maintained jobs where she’s had a more dominant role, and the same for the bedroom. Before becoming the woman behind one of a rare breed that offers kink for sale, she knew she wanted more out of relationships, “[perhaps I have been] practicing my whole life to be a pro-Domme, a fucker of heads, and always seemed to be the one to take wild risks in life. Miztress Tia is an exaggeration of my [true] self. I enjoy getting certain reactions out of people, from both pain and pleasure.”
In June of 2017, Tia was asked by Nightshade organizers, CutieMarie and MrHalifax, to be present at Nightshade events in a DMing (Dungeon Monitoring) capacity. You will generally ﬁnd her there, by the spanking benches or pool table doling spanks onto one sexy ass or another, with some of her equipment – favourites of hers being hands (if not her teeth). Other DMs, including Xiuhcoatl and -Trixie-, may be seen administering a ﬂogging or a caning or demo-ing a violet wand, respectively.
“I [never wanted] to be an overbearing DM, standing over a person”, she states, with more to add. If she sees a couple playing together, the top is ﬂailing all over the place, and the two look like they are enjoying themselves, then, she explains, “have at it – that is how you practice [in order to get good]”. And, as someone who has had the joy of receiving impact play, including a couple of spanking sessions, from Mistress Tia’s skilled and experienced hands, it is my opinion that her years spent learning, watching, practicing, and more watching were well worth all of the hours and sweat. “When I click in a certain way… I’m going to get you to subspace and beyond”, she giggles.
Along with Nightshade, Tia is also often found at more private parties including SPA, ORG, and the relatively newly established Club XTC – a kinky space for women. In particular for Club XTC, Tia will be found…helping. She is one of the co-hosts and, along with coaxing others not to hold up walls but to jump in and participate, she might be found running tours, answering questions, and looking to find ways to make others’ experiences fantastic. One way she may do this is to ask a room of shy women, “who wants to see my shiny new tool” in order to get a show of hands. Excitement builds from there.
She’s so enthralling to me, her commanding force, I cannot look away as I furiously attempt to make notes of her words, “Kink is like a dance, when I get a person dancing with me, the waves of movement together, I start to growl to see how long it takes [my bottom] to purr.” She continues by adding that she does not believe in this “BS of ‘if you don’t do A, B, C, D…then you are doing it wrong.’ No. I skipped over A & B, laughed at C, ended up doing D, we won’t talk about F, learned car batteries are a hard limit*, and…it was a pretty fucking good time. I’d drive all the twue Doms absolutely wild with how I go about things with my play style. That is what makes me unique; I don’t follow any playbooks.”
Before she could be found at Nightshade or Club XTC, for four consecutive years she was on the Board of Directors as Treasurer for the Society of Bastet. The home of which has moved around a couple of times in the HRM; now located again on Windmill road, in Dartmouth, where it originated. In the beginning of her kink career, Tia spent much of her time at private parties, as well as home play. Despite what some people believe, she was not a part of Bastet’s origination.
However, she has been around and in the HRM’s kink scenes for long enough to have seen it grow from a small handful at private homes, to a business – the hope of a society that would be inclusive of all of the sorts of kinky folks; educate on various techniques and safety. She has watched changes occur at Bastet over the years: sometimes the changes come from kink trends, yet some remain as dedicated staples such as learning and practicing the skills of binding or being bound in rope (bondage).
Some of the things you used to be able to do at Bastet, Miztress Tia informs me, you wouldn’t do there anymore. She tells me how she had once taught a class on “humiliation and degradation”. During that class she spat on the face of the person who was playing her bottom demo; you likely would not see that anymore at Bastet if you were to go there today. Where there used to be pics of the dungeon and various acts of play, there are no more (so as not to “scare the vanillas” and upset the HRM Bylaws ‘ethics’).
It is apparently not an easy balance, in a society so full of stigma, to allow what feels natural to some of us to ﬂourish, while not offending the main stream. Perhaps as a result, where there used to be a higher number attending classes, some now prefer the privacy of home where they feel they won’t be judged or frowned at. For better or worse, I am told, there has been a shift in the practice of kink as something separate from sex. This is something that was necessary at ﬁrst, but that some have taken quite far, perhaps at times due to a lack of education, at times due to personal philosophies or preferences.
She explains how she has been trying to release herself from oppressive stigmas, to be more broad-minded; “let people make [their] assumptions”. She says kink has certainly helped her to do just that.
“We are all fucked up, so we might as well have some fun”, she says with a glimmer in her eye. “Our bodies are wonderful machines, and sometimes we need that little bit of pain to quiet our busy minds. That’s what I offer. How can that be so wrong in some people’s eyes?”
by: Lil Bird
edits and feature image model: Miztress Tia
*NOTE: do not try this at home – this could stop your heart. HARD limit.
….read part 2, where we get personal!
any amount you can donate is appreciated and goes towards supporting our research and writing staff. we want to keep meeting your kinky needs. Thank you!