PART 3 of 3: IT’S MEANT TO BE
The third time we meet is at Uncommon Grounds on South Park. Miztress Tia is working afterwards at a local kinky party and is ready to go with the interview. She is tuned in, composed, and serene seeming. And, she has just bought me a coffee and a date square as the pay machine stubbornly decided not to allow my transaction to go through.
“I have been trying to find another life path. I think I’ve found it,” she informs me, “[and], I don’t know if [it’s] going forward or backward”. The path she is referring to is traditional healing.
After working as a professional Domme for roughly seven years, with three prior years spent watching and learning how to top, Tia is again looking for, and actively taking steps towards, changes in her life.
She informs me that she has just graduated from a spiritual and psychic development program, where some of the focus is on healing the self. Meditation, for example, has become an integral part of her personal daily life over the past year. But, Tia is currently looking towards healing others using techniques including Reikki, cupping, crystal healing, and guided meditations. An example of something that she is focusing on in the immediate future is a cord cutting ceremony that she will go through with clients who have had issues letting things go, such as recently ending a relationship. The physical cutting of an actual cord is carried out. This cutting represents the physical severing of a relationship. During this process, the person is to visualize a healthy way to cut this cord and remove the baggage we sometimes carry with us for long periods of time, struggling to ‘let go’.
“This can act as a confidence booster,” she says, “[and we] also have a conversation about finding a way to firm up boundaries with others. Moving forward, I would like to add to the ceremony some additional words of encouragement to help people in other similar situations.”
Taking a step back in the conversation now, I ask “how did you get into Pro Domming?”
“It came down to a lack of underwear one day.” She replies, as though that is all to say on the subject. I look up at her from my notebook.
“Mhmm”, I say with a giggle then prompt for more, “can you elaborate on that?”
She continues by explaining that, in the beginning of her kink journey, she had been playing for 3-weeks straight with various people in the community. And then, she ran out of clean underwear because she did not arrange time to do that simple task. It was at that point she created a boundary for her personal time – moving forward she would get paid for playing, and that was that.
“Some [friends] said that I dragged my feet, in typical Cancer form, in reaching that decision to turn pro – I may meander to my goals, but I get there.” she says, sounding secure in herself.
I prompt her to go further, “Why do you think your friends said this?”
“I guess maybe because it came naturally to me? Or that so many people were drawn to me? You’d have to ask around to get different opinions. But, my friends were like, ‘it’s about time!’.
“Speaking of asking around,” I cut in, “are you aware that many people in the community, when asked, list you as one of the people they trust the most?”
“Fools.” She says, and I think she is joking. She goes on, “I’ve been doing it wrong.” she continues as though we never skipped a beat from the topic-before-the-compliment, “Pro Domming would give me the opportunity to do laundry on a regular basis. At the time I started, it wasn’t about D/s; it came down to always having clean underwear.” She cackles playfully.
She tells me, when I ask, that during only two of the seven years working as a Professional Domme did she support herself financially entirely within the industry. In other years, supplementing her income was the best way to get by and not be so bored in between sessions. She says that at the time she started her Domming career, there were two other women working as professional Dommes that she was aware of in Nova Scotia. Of course, there were random women popping in and out, but she was unaware of their skill levels or validity.
“And, you said you were in the swinger community, with former partners, before getting into kink and Domming. Was that an easy transition?” I ask.
“Yes, I had some friends that would go back and forth from the swinger to kink community. Friends had told me about PALS, Illusions and Bastet (that was being formed at the time). I started attending weekly play parties and eventually volunteered as a director for Bastet, but had not yet decided to turn pro.” She says, “ I was still busy observing and learning. Eventually, I put the word out that if anyone wanted to play, they had to pay…and then got crickets!” She laughed.
“I get a lot of [people saying] ‘I’m too scared to approach you’ or ‘I’m intimidated by you’…[so], I use humour; it breaks the ice – eases tensions. It… makes me more human? During every single session I have ever had, there has been laughter.” Tia leans forward now and, looking me straight in the eye, catching me slightly off guard but not betraying her character asks, “Don’t you want to ask me how safe it is?”
“Yes, I most certainly want to ask you how safe it is,” I say in earnest.
“There is always that very real danger that [a person] can get assaulted. I have met people who have been. It is something people need to consider [if they are getting into the profession] – it can happen. So , anyone interested in getting started needs to trust their gut instincts. Trust that with your life.”
In addition to trusting their gut instincts with their life, a person getting into the business also needs to know how to set boundaries and stick with them. For example, on her website, Miztress Tia has a list of instructions laid out for people who are interested in approaching her. One thing she requires is a recent picture of the potential client. She also requires meeting the person in a public space for coffee prior to the first play session. During this encounter, Tia will gauge a person’s vibe to determine whether she arranges a session with them to accomplish what they are looking for. “Can I be wrong?” she asks rhetorically, “Absolutely.
“But, I protect myself. If I am meeting someone, I always have a coffee with them first. No exceptions. If they can’t follow that, or don’t show up….no session. If they are erratic in any way, then no way will I session with them.”
“And,” she goes on, “I don’t need to know the reason people come to see me, but they always tell me. Sometimes in what I call ‘love letters’. I have quite the collection now.”
“Speaking of emotions, how do you deal with the inevitable attachments that must form,” I want to know.
“Well, there is and always will be an attachment. There is [an] intimacy with what we do, and it does deepen with regulars of course. Words like “worship” and “adore” are used because there is a lot of Goddess and amazon worship, emasculation, pain receptors going off…so, the attachment is generally greater on their part; I simply can’t go on that level with every random person, with one-time clients. When I do go there, my attachment is generally on the level of ‘kinship’, not romance. I have had people tell me they love me after I spanked them just one time, they don’t even know me – I can’t return that. Love doesn’t come into it.”
“[For private play], I tell people I don’t do aftercare. But, of course, I do. I’m not much into cuddling after play, but I do ensure they are comfortable and hydrated while they recover.”
“And, what is the best element you have gotten out of your time as a Domme?” I ask, with no clue as to which direction she will go with her answer.
“The people”, Tia says without hesitation, “I enjoy the connections that I have with people. I joke that I don’t like people all the time, but, I do. You need to have a lot of tolerance, be very versatile, and discretion is a must with those that ask for it. But, I have enjoyed every single client I have had over the years. That also includes all the people I have played with privately at parties, Nightshade, Bastet play parties.
“I have been called sick, crazy, and told there is something wrong with me for wanting to cause people pain. I’ve even been called a whore. I am a sex worker. So, whenever there are comments made on Twitter, for example, by a sex psychologist, or sex worker organization, I will make comments/retweet in support of them. Basically, the [insulting] comments I see, a lot of comments like ‘you should be ashamed’, are coming from people who want the services for free! And that tightwad then really annoys me.”
“I prefer to refer to myself as a ‘twisted fuck’. My parents [who accept me] will joke that if one does not behave, I will give out spankings to that misbehaving parent. I probably would too, but a simple look usually quiets them both down. And, it’s true, I have done some pretty edgy things in my life that have maybe earned me the name ‘evil’ and ‘mean’; however, people come to me with requests for my edge. So…how am I so mean if people seek that out? Would I not be kind if I actually accommodate that desire?” she smirks.
When looking at things in this light, some who might naturally see her newer path as a dramatic shift from what she has been doing until now, might think a second time. If a person is asking for spanks, for pain, for humiliation and degradation, all to quiet or sate the mind or body, if they are happy when they walk away after a session – having aftercare to get them back from an intense session or properly treat open wounds, then is there not a healing of sorts occurring between these two parties?
As it so happens, though Miztress Tia had planned on stepping away from Domming this month, her busy schedule led to her Professional website account being renewed for two more years. She figures this means her business will still be running for the time. “I didn’t get upset, or worked up over it renewing when I thought it would cancel on its own. I figure, it’s meant to be! I’ll just be more flexible with my other plans to suit my clients’ needs.”
Note: since SESTA/FOSTA bills in the United States have been closing numerous adult sites down as a pre-emptive panic, advertising for clients by Pro Dommes (as well as other sex workers) is beginning to make things difficult on such sites as FetLife. What will happen to change (or further repress) sex workers has yet to be determined, but Miztress Tia says it will make life a bit more difficult for those interested in a career in the industry… and she will be around to help with the fight just a little while longer.
by: Lil Bird
Edited by: Miztress Tia
Photos: Miztress Tia
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