Let go

I love an experience where both parties get what they need. Because much of my play happens at events, for me this is best accomplished by chatting through text ahead of time. Besides, there is no better type of foreplay, no better aphrodisiac, than words. Words, when used right, can get me as wet as... Continue Reading →


Some categories are easier to quantify by counting the numbers who fall outside the category rather than inside. I’d be willing to bet my cherished valuables that one such category is the number of women who have been slut-shamed within their lifetime. Slut-shaming being the often insidious practice of criticizing people, usually females, for their... Continue Reading →

Event Etiquette

As someone who goes to kinky events fairly frequently, and who networks with lots of strong and independent people in the kink community, I keep hearing trends in their event experiences. These past weeks, one topic keeps coming up over and over. What is proper behaviour at a kink event? What makes a behaviour or... Continue Reading →

top, drop, and role: after care, after play

I volunteered to do this writing as a way to help normalize the needs players have after play. There's lots of conversation regarding aftercare, but often not about what that looks like, or what signs and symptoms folks are actually trying to alleviate. Therefore, the following read will probably require the surrendering of my Domme card (ha!)... Continue Reading →

the trouble with experience

For the second time recently, I heard something that troubled me deeply from someone fairly new to the kink community… “I trusted him because you trusted him, and you’re experienced.” Stop the truck here, folks, because I’d like to make something crystal clear. I attended my first group event a year and a half ago.... Continue Reading →

i fucked…

Up. Where to begin? Well, let’s start with the fact that my fuck up involved some substance use, several hot women, and a kink event. Not as great as it all sounds. Some fun. Mostly though, not fun (particularly in the days to follow). A short while ago, I arrived together with several lovely people... Continue Reading →

no more hiding

Sometimes when problems or threats arise, I hide. These obstacles can have the appearance of a social gathering or writing an article upon which many people may lay their eyes. I used to hide before I knew I was hiding. It started a long time ago. I hid before realizing what hiding is. Even now,... Continue Reading →

Why would I report it if it was my fault?

Warning: This article discusses trauma, abuse, consent, and other sensitive topics. Please be kind to yourself, and stay aware of your own potential triggers as you read it. It seems like almost every day right now, we are hearing the question “Why didn’t she report it when it happened?” This seems like such a simple... Continue Reading →

Tying the Knot

Rope play, or “rigging” can be a lot of fun and can add a lot to a scene in different ways. Chest harnesses can look beautiful and can also provide a great point on the back to grab onto and manipulate the body during sex. Bondage can add a thrill and a gain or loss... Continue Reading →

Hurt, not Harm

The word "safety" is thrown around ad nauseam in the kink and BDSM community. But, how much detail does this word bring with it? And, how often are those who speak the word following its essence? It's all fun and games until someone loses as eye. Whether your style of play is SSC (safe, sane, consensual), or RACK (risk... Continue Reading →


When social anxiety sets in for me in a group sex setting, I have one of two common reactions. I either keep up a constant stream of words through my love of storytelling, or I busy my hands and mouth by initiating sexual play. Becoming more at ease with myself, embracing my loud and sometimes... Continue Reading →

Seven point four billion, and one

PART 1: WE ARE ALL FUCKED UP  I first met with Miztress Tia on a hail-and-rain-filled night at a Bedford pub in early March, 2018. I was unexpectedly running late to meet her and… she was truly gracious about this.  She texted me while I was en route to simply say “No worries. Slow down so... Continue Reading →

Learning to Ride the Highs of Kink

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when beginning to explore the world of kink, group sex, and events is thinking that you are ready for it. I’m not sure anyone really can be until they actually take those first few steps to begin their journey. Even if you discovered kink at a very... Continue Reading →

Let’s talk

A community for kinksters can be paramount for some individuals to even begin to explore their sexuality; to figure out fetishes and free themselves through actual human interaction and experience. Queer and BDSM gatherings and groups can be a place for us all to foster and have fostered healthy self-care and care of our community... Continue Reading →

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